Restoration

Initially, when I was asked to write what my art is about, I didn't know how to answer. I still don't know that I thoroughly know how to reply, but I can share what is currently on my mind. As is alluded to by the title, my work is about restoration. It is about bringing healing and showing others their creative potential. Art has brought healing to my own life, and thus I desire to share it with others.

I ran from art for a long time. I lived under the shadow of not being good enough...and feared others judging me and thinking that my work was not good enough. I told myself that I could pursue something that was financially secure and practical, and then be "creative" on the side. But I never had time to create...and became more miserable by the semester. This went on for a year and a half. I was so lost, frustrated, and confused that I almost transferred. In fact, I had my entire schedule worked out so that all my courses would transfer at the end of the year. I prayed and seemed to hear nothing. Christmas break was mental struggle....but then something (someone) stopped me. I realized that I knew God had something for me at IWU the day I initially stepped onto campus during my senior year of high school. It just didn't seem like God...for me to walk away in defeat. By taking all of the courses which would transfer, I was closing every last door to IWU. I couldn't do it. So by the grace of God, I finally stopped running. I finally listened to those that had encouraged me to at least try--to those who had believed in my potential when I only saw imperfection. Two art courses miraculously opened my first week back in January. Within two weeks, I finally knew that I was where I was supposed to be. Slowly, oh so slowly, I started to realize that perfection should not be my only pursuit. But humility...and the desire to grow. I have learned more and struggled more.....and have become more alive than I ever have in my life. I am beginning to recognize who I truly was created to be and it is beautiful.
I want to help others experience the same thing. I can illustrate this in two ways.

1) To begin with, my thoughts quickly return to my nephew. He experiences true delight and freedom when he paints with me. I still cannot believe the transforming powers that a cheap set of watercolors have for him, even on a bad day for him as a result of his chemo. (He is doing a lot better by the way...he is probably in best shape he has been in since he was diagnosed...his hair is coming back :) ). Anyway, my point is.... there is power in creativity.... I have witnessed it again and again. There is healing in creation.

2) Art is so beautiful because it speaks in another language. When I think about teaching, I think about the students with which I will interact. Some children struggle in every academic area, yet when they reach art they excel. They get it.... and they know it. This is so powerful. I want to instill self-confidence in these students. I want them to see their potential... who knows if anyway else will point it out to them. In my practicum last semester, my supervising teacher explained the art show that she has at the end of the year showcasing outstanding student work. She told me that time and time again...other teachers and parents would come to her and comment on how surprised they were to see what they saw. These individuals could not believe that certain students were so talented...when they had originally appeared to be well maybe a bit "hopeless" in other areas.

I don't know if I am expressing exactly what I want to say....I just desire to use art as a tool. A tool for restoration...for hope, for healing, for re-defining who am I am...and for changing how I see the world.